


Ass O'Clock in Dusseldorf

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Marriage Proposal, Pesterlog, Prompt Fic, this is very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-12
Updated: 2012-05-12
Packaged: 2017-11-05 06:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lighthearted vignette wherein a young lady, away from home at a professional conference, utilizes the internet to discuss an important issue in interpersonal relationships with the young man she has been cohabiting with for several years.  Files are sent, metaphors are abused, and a happy ending is guaranteed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ass O'Clock in Dusseldorf

**Author's Note:**

> This is a response to a [kinkmeme prompt](http://homesmut.livejournal.com/17313.html?thread=35945633#t35945633): _Any M/F human pairing, proposal, with the catch being that the woman of the two is the one that proposes. Maybe it's a leap year, maybe the girl just got tired of waiting for their man to summon up the cajones to ask the question, but she ends up being the one to do it. The guy is completely flustered of course, he thinks he should be the one who's down on one knee and it's all very silly and romantic :3_
> 
> I blatantly and shamelessly stole the ninja pesterlog window gimmick from [Asuka Kureru](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru), who used it to brilliant effect in her fic [Adventures in Collaborative Storytelling](http://archiveofourown.org/works/385399). :-)

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
GG: hey dave!!  
TG: like im one of those pathetic assholes who go around whipping out monogrammed handkerchiefs and weeping in public  
TG: boohoo my heart is breaking and im a melodramatic douche  
GG: what???  
TG: shitfuckballs  
TG: i was talking to john ignore that  
TG: seriously jade ignore it  
TG: its like ass oclock in wherever your mad scientist shindig is  
TG: the fuck are you doing online opening ninja pesterchum windows  
GG: well hello to you too mister grumpypants!  
GG: here i go to the trouble of taking an afternoon nap so ill be awake at ass oclock to say hi to you  
GG: (dont worry the presentation i missed was stupid and boring)  
TG: all physics presentations are boring  
GG: and you have the nerve to be ungrateful!  
GG: hmph!  
GG: also my presentations are never boring  
TG: k true your presentations lean more toward  
TG: wowza smoking hot babe come on baby lean forward please please boobs oh please yessssss  
GG: hey if youve got it youve got it! ;)  
TG: and/or holy shit shes going to destroy the fabric of reality as we know it  
TG: we must band together in a cowardly cabal and stop her  
TG: for the sake of the world men  
TG: the sake of the world  
GG: nyah!  
GG: id totally fix anything i broke  
GG: we fixed sburb didnt we?  
GG: dark matter is way simpler than that! :)  
TG: says you  
GG: says me! :D anyway whats up with you?  
GG: lawyers still arguing over the sbahj game licensing deal?  
TG: theyre fucking vultures all of them i swear  
TG: circling around like sharks in the air rabies dripping from their devil beaks  
TG: waiting for me to roll over show my belly admit i give a shit how the product turns out  
TG: and im holding out for storyline approval because of reasons  
TG: not just for shits and giggles  
GG: well you are holding out for reasons :)  
TG: lies and also slander  
TG: i deny everything  
GG: lol!!! i have faith in you!  
GG: unless someone gets rose to advise the game company theres no way they can stonewall better than you  
GG: and they will just have to live with making a game that sucks on purpose :)  
TG: no  
TG: making a game that fails on purpose  
TG: sucks implies its playing by the rules even if it makes people want to shove their fists through the screen  
TG: i acknowledge no rules get your terminology right  
GG: phlbbbbbbbbbbt!!!  
GG: like you do any better with scientific vocabulary mister coolguy  
GG: change of subject!  
GG: have you written any sick jams since ive been gone?  
TG: you know me babe i spin sick beats like im an assembly line and theyre model t fords  
TG: want me to send you some files  
GG: sure!  
GG: but................  
GG: first let me send one to you  
TG: making music instead of science harley  
TG: what will the hall monitors say  
TG: bad girl no nobel prize for you here comes the rolled up newspaper  
GG: lalala i am ignoooooooooring you!  
GG: and its not like anyone notices im wearing headphones during the stupid presentations  
GG: my hairs a pretty good cover  
TG: i bet your physics nerds dont even think you have normal ears under that mane  
GG: they do!  
GG: well at least they do until they realize becs ears arent a headband :(  
GG: then they tend to avoid talking to me about anything that isnt technical  
TG: weird  
TG: id expect better from a field known for being completely shithive maggots and turning reality upside down for kicks  
TG: if our neighbors dont blink and your advisors dont blink why should people who believe six impossible things before breakfast as a professional requirement  
GG: i am sure it will get better!  
GG: berkeley got better pretty fast and this is my first professional conference after all  
GG: maybe i should have picked something smaller than the deutsche physikalische gesellschafts spring meeting  
TG: gesundheit  
GG: lol!  
GG: but seriously its not that bad  
GG: the gift of gab helps with understanding all the german and i am learning tons of interesting things!  
GG: like the science behind sylladexes and how fetch moduses interact with them  
GG: i think i could maybe design you a new modus that incorporates more musical elements than just rhyme  
GG: so you wouldnt have those goofs sometimes when you forget to swap moduses before a freestyle competition  
TG: lies blatant lies i never goof anything  
TG: also if this involves me singing in public i have two words  
TG: fuck  
TG: and also  
TG: no  
TG: forget that and send me your music already  
TG: im bored i could use something new to remix  
GG: ..........  
GG: ok!  
GG: i hope you like it!!!  
gardenGnostic [GG] sent turntechGodhead [TG] file "its a secret.mp3"  
TG: got it  
TG: k hang on while i open it and immerse my ears in the audio stylings of the worlds most eclectic bass player  
TG: ...  
TG: harley  
TG: jade  
TG: what  
GG: thats not a no, right?  
TG: no thats not a "no" thats a "what"  
TG: which im now going to repeat  
TG: what  
TG: you just proposed to me in song complete with autotune desecration and a background of woofs for a beat  
TG: i think i deserve some explanation  
GG: i got tired of waiting for you to ask me!  
GG: first i thought, oh who even cares if we get married that seems so silly after everything weve been through  
GG: then i thought, but that would make marriage ironic so i bet daves working on some super secret awesome proposal  
GG: then i started wondering why i was even wondering because its not like i ever dreamed about getting married as a kid  
GG: getting furry ears maybe but not getting married  
TG: only you harley  
GG: :)  
GG: and in the end i decided that yes i do want to marry you dave strider  
GG: partly because i love you and i want to have a ring and a piece of paper telling the world how cool i think you are  
GG: but mostly because of taxes  
GG: we could save over a thousand dollars a year if we got married!!  
TG: jegus woman thats cold  
TG: were talking antarctica here the penguins are frolicking  
TG: got polar bears waiting to move in they say alaskas too warm now gotta keep close to jade harley  
GG: just kidding!!!!  
GG: other way around!  
GG: taxes are a side benefit :)  
GG: really i just want something that makes us legally each others family  
GG: kind of like john and i dug up birth certificates and stuff and figured out my grandpa and his nanna were brother and sister so were legally cousins  
GG: and hes my next of kin and im his  
GG: or like you and rose got that gene test done so youre officially brother and sister  
GG: i want that for us too  
GG: only not as siblings, durr  
TG: damn right youre not my sister  
TG: theres only room for one rose lalonde in this world and im not even sure about that some days  
TG: theres a suspicious creaking at the corners of reality  
TG: universe stretching at its seams trying to hold in the sheer weight of her pretentiousness  
GG: not her swag?  
TG: obviously not im the one with reality warping swag  
TG: get your facts straight what kind of scientist are you missing the evidence in front of your face  
GG: and under my hands  
GG: and my tongue ;)  
TG: that too  
GG: sooooooooooo........  
GG: what do you say????  
TG: hang on back in a sec  
TG: wait no 92 seconds  
TG: just hang on  
GG: ..............  
GG: ........................  
GG: ..................  
GG: its funny how i never realized how long a minute and a half could be until now  
GG: .................  
GG: daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave  
GG: it has been ninety-three seconds now!  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file "answer.jpg"  
TG: there you go  
TG: and no it wasnt 93 seconds  
TG: time is my bitch thats not a thing that ever stopped being true  
TG: you started counting in the wrong place or something  
GG: dave!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: you are such a fuckass!  
GG: this comic is terrible, verging on incomprehensible! even for you!!  
GG: but yeah ok you can wear the dress if you really want  
GG: im sure youll be pretty as a picture :)  
TG: and youll be dashing in your suit and sweep me off my feet  
TG: carry me to the car and drive away into the sunset  
TG: egbert will weep for joy  
TG: buckets of tears  
GG: like its a nic cage movie!  
TG: the whole church will flood guests swimming frantically for the refuge of the balconies  
TG: quick someone open the doors  
TG: let loose the tsunami on the unsuspecting parking lot  
TG: how can so much water come from one man  
TG: flagrant violation of the law of conservation of matter call the physics police  
TG: oh wait thats harley and she just left on her honeymoon with that hunk of delicious manmeat  
TG: were screwed  
GG: lol!!!  
TG: even rose might shed a single crystal tear for the sake of appearances  
GG: shell be smiling on the inside :)  
GG: i just wish we could invite all the others too  
GG: i bet karkat would love weddings  
TG: gog no what a hideous thought  
GG: kanaya would help with the clothes, jane and roxy could cater, terezi could fight john over being best man and making embarrassing toasts...........  
GG: :(  
TG: yeah well thats life  
TG: hands you a triple layer cake with one hand  
TG: kicks you in the nuts with the other  
TG: splat cake all over the ground better sue for assault  
GG: ...that doesnt even make sense  
GG: you cant kick someone with your hand!  
TG: dont confuse me with your science logic  
TG: true irony is beyond such petty considerations  
TG: besides a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds  
TG: max planck  
GG: i am fairly sure max planck never said that but ok!  
TG: well run into them in the dream bubbles sooner or later and pass on the good news  
TG: kidbro will be cool with it  
TG: kidgramps too  
GG: i know :)   
GG: i wish i could talk to you all night but like you said its ass oclock here in dusseldorf  
GG: i need my beauty sleep  
TG: sleep sure but not for beauty  
TG: youre a sight for sore eyes even running on fumes and hungover with literal rats nesting in your crazy hair  
TG: true facts yo  
GG: same to you assface <3  
TG: you remember what i was saying to john when your ninja window popped up and stole my words  
TG: i am the melodramatic douche  
TG: it is me  
TG: i miss you like fuck jade  
GG: me too  
GG: i miss your stupid face and your shitty swords all over our apartment and the way the takeout grows mold in the fridge and neither of us can keep a diurnal schedule to save our lives  
GG: i miss you like fuck  
GG: and i miss fucking you  
GG: jegus i miss that  
GG: when i get home i swear im going to jump you in the airport and well sneak into a handicapped bathroom and ill kiss you hello all over  
GG: and i mean ALL OVER  
GG: teeth and tongue and wet and hot and LONG  
GG: until well have to catch a taxi home because youre too fucked out to drive  
GG: :D  
TG: promises promises  
TG: and who says i wont just make you drive  
TG: or teleport even  
TG: i know you cant do transcontinental anymore but airport to apartment is in your range  
GG: :O  
GG: what kind of knight wouldnt return his ladys favor!  
TG: the kind who knows anticipation makes everything ten times hotter  
TG: durr harley durr  
GG: ok fair point!  
TG: much as id love to continue this conversation  
TG: cybersex being so much better than no sex that there is literally no comparison  
TG: im going to be strong and say goodbye because its ass oclock in mad scientist country  
TG: as has been pointed out repeatedly  
TG: and you need to be fresh to knock the physics imps dead tomorrow  
GG: ................  
GG: wah :(  
TG: i know i know it hurts being deprived of my massive swag  
GG: and other massive things ;)  
TG: but its time to say goodnight moon goodnight room  
TG: goodnight jade harley  
TG: yes ill marry you  
TG: well live happily ever after and even death will be too pansy ass to part us  
GG: fairy tale ending for the win!!!  
GG: (ironically of course)  
TG: ...  
TG: tell you a secret jade  
TG: just this once  
TG: fuck irony  
TG: i meant every word  
GG: i love you too dave  
GG: <3<3<3  
TG: you are such a derp  
TG: come home soon  
TG: <3  
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


End file.
